Please read our expectations and community rules before moving on
The #1 rule on BAM is authenticity. THOU SHALT NOT LIE.
Dishonesty seems like an easy way of getting what you want. However, it causes a lot of damage that gets absorbed and redistributed to innocent people.
Think of it as collateral damage in war. The reason that love can be such battle is because of the scarring we get in bad relationships. And often those relationships are bad because of previous scars, absorbed but not fully contained.
Collateral damage results in a never ending war because the methods of warfare recruit new foes instead of friends. And without knowing who to trust, our weapons easily turn on the "guilty until proven innocent".
BAM tolerates cheaters as long as they are honest about what they are doing here. Whatever you are looking for just be honest about it. Not only will it avoid unnecessary injury but it will save time.
If you have to rely on someone falling into a trap then you don't deserve to be part of this community and will bring the quality down. BAM reserves the right to protect the quality of our membership by saying that lies are not protected speech. We consider it the same as libel/slander, whether it is against someone else or against yourself. Therefore, anyone who gets reported multiple times will be subject to muting or exile from our community.
Tolerance is our Golden Rule. At BAM we tolerate others just as we want others to tolerate us. Everyone is a unique individual who shares things in common with others. You are more likely to feel alone if you cannot find others like you to connect with.
Tolerance isn't always easy. For us, it takes a daring leap of faith because we have no idea who will come with the desire to be tolerated. But part of the reason we exist is because people of color have historically been unwelcomed in many spaces, creating not simply racial issues, but a lesson in humanity for all of us to observe and learn from.
You can still disagree with something or someone. However, that's them and you are you. If you cannot disagree without hating them, being mean, or pushing them away, then for whatever problems they might have, you have one too.
Ultimately, we're all human. By implication, we are not perfect. So instead of everyone judging everyone's imperfection or what constitutes such, we're here to love each other. So love each other inspite of your own issues that create separation and animosity.
Because unless they are hurting other people without consent, if you cannot tolerate them then the BAM community cannot tolerate you. We're here to build up, not to tear down. That goes for people's self-esteem as well.
At BAM, we elevate balance into a universal princple.
We know there are people who are imbalanced, physically, mentally, or emotionally. There's nothing wrong with that. We believe that the universe is in a constant state of seeking balance. This can take on different forms. The person, relationship, or even kink you are seeking may simply be an expression of what you or someone else needs to find some sense of balance.
Some people struggle in their mental health because they feel broken by this; judging themselves against society's standard of what is normal. But we're here to rejoice in the reality that society itself has never been normal and often uses this idea to grant those who assimilate a degree of mental secruity; the knowledge that one is "normal" and thus avoid the judgments that come with being different.
But there are things that cannot be changed. There are things we were born with that help make us who we are. Different shapes, colors, ideas, talents, style, culture, tastes, and preferences. To deny these are to deny ones's own self.
Community itself is a fluid construct. We make up the rules and definitions as we go along. We acceptance is withheld it's natural to feel in bondage to the norm; and thus the urge to fight against it.
As a community, BAM is, by definition, a different standard. The alternative is the norm here. There's no need to fight that. At the same time, because we don't have to fight, we can get to the next level of finding balance. As such, we don't really want to see things that should be private on full display to everyone. Some people need attention, and that's fine, but you have to respect those who don't want to give it or who don't want to see. We have to maintain a balance between what should be public and private to minimize offenses.
BAM encourages everyone to gain an understanding of the feminine principle. We're not talking about cross dressing or being a drag queen. It's not an admonishment to transgender women. What we're talking about is a basic understanding of what it is to be feminine and how femininity behaves.
To some degree this feels judgmental; like a precursor to some form of intolerance. However, that is not the intent.
There may be some relation to physical choices that reflect alternate ideals and expression. The Feminine is feeling-based, poetic, and metaphorical while the Masculine is more structured, linear, and direct. One isn't better than the other, but one cannot be direct and indirect at the same time.
So we should understand that we all have a masculine and feminine side. And like being right-handed or left, we don't have to have the preference society believes we should.
Instead, we encourage our community to explore both genders in a positive context, to respect both, and figure out the balance that best fits their own personality.
In other words, it may be problematic if what you believe to be female doesn't match your expression of the feminine. While some immitation is the highest form of flattery, this can also cross an ethical boundary. Therefore, whether someone identifies as a different gender, we require the use of "trans" to make sure all parties involved are aware of the physical, mental, and emotional nature of the person they might be interested in.
This will be an evolving subject. The intent isn't confined to security. Boundaries are important in all apsects of a relationship, from dating all the way through to marriage.
While dating, make sure you establish clear boundaries and expectations. Exact boundaries are up to the individual. We simply want to make sure boundaries are respected.
We consider the violation of a person's boundaries similar to the violation of their physical boundaries. But since there is nothing we can do to prevent those physical situations, we're giving warnings before those situations have a chance to develop. A person who doesn't care about your boundaries is a person who doesn't care enough about you to have physical access to you.
Even if you are just looking for sex, that's okay, but we want you to make that person prove to you that they can be trusted with your physical body. This means talking to them long enough to see whether or not they can be trusted. This where our ideals of "Ladies and Gentlemen" are born.
So even if the person isn't romantic at all, we ask that anyone identifying as a woman is held to the standard of a Lady and anyone identifying as a man should be held to the standard of gentleman. How we treat each other reflects who we are. If a person has narcisstic tendencies, that's something you need to look out for and understand how it may impact your relationship.
